I’ll tell you where it doesn’t happen: it doesn’t happen in comfy pants on the sofa.

It happens in The Stretch Zone.

The place outside your comfort zone.

The place where you feel the scareyness but take a deep breath and do it anyway.

The place where things can go wrong, but you feel compelled to act anyway.

Magic happens when we name a dream that really stretches us and then move towards it.

Magic happens when we get onto our mat in the studio and commit to that hours practice each week and see our bodies and minds subtly change over time.

I am a big fan of the comfort zone, easy is nice and easy is good and easy is predictable which is relaxing. But for a truly positive balance in my life I know I need to spend a measured percentage of my time outside that zone. Stretching myself even if it’s uncomfortable and/or scary. Being open for the magic to happen.

Some, in fact all, of the most magical things in my life happened way outside my comfort zone (big promotions, a years solo world travel, meeting my husband, buying a house, launching my own business, turning a business upside down restructuring then winning a national award, my first ever yoga class, everything!)

This year my ‘where the magic happens’ scary-pants goal is to write and publish a book. It scares and excites me all at the same time, not so much the content but being disciplined enough to make the time. Gak!

I love working with my clients as they move from the comfy pants on the sofa to realizing dreams that used to scare the pants off them but is now their life. Start their own business. Go travel volunteer in Vietnam. Get that awesome new job. Reclaim time and energy from their families. Make their health a priority. Say NO to some stuff. Say YES to some scary stretch zone stuff. It’s really is a magical process to watch unfold.

It’s all about balance I think (don’t I always ). Have some stretch in some areas of your life but some comfort zones to retreat to in others. Get a ratio of comfy pants to scaredy pants that works for your life.

Where can you embrace the stretch zone this year? What would stretch you in terms of your body? Your work? Your interests? Your family? Your skills?

How big a stretch should it be? The very magical businessmeister Seth Godin says

“Over Your head? Once the water is deep enough that you must swim to stay afloat, does it really matter how deep the pool is?”

I like that. That once you move outside the comfort zone out is out, so, you know, you might as well really go for it. Thing big. Act big. Be big.

I am hoping to magic up something to grace your bookshelves next year (gulp!). What is in your Stretch Zone for 2012?

When I found that first yoga class (a Beginners course very like the one I teach today) I felt such an overwhelming and unexpected sense of relief and peace. It scared me actually: I didn’t know that that feeling was it was so long since I had felt it.

I knew it was something I had to pursue. Pretty soon I was there 3 times a week, even when I moved across London I loved the teacher Simona so much I would schlep all the way from Shepherds Bush to Clapham and back for her classes and not mind one bit. It really was a revelation for me.

It was a revelation for my working hours too. I developed my own ‘naughty step’ technique for getting out of work on time no matter what. I realised that when you are running a newspaper everything is always urgent, there is always something that needs to be done. I also knew that there was now something I wanted more: to practice yoga, to learn more, to feel that feeling. So on Mondays and Thursdays I started leaving the office at 4.55pm which was unheard of for me. The stuff kept landing on my desk, people rocking round expecting me to handle things at that time just as I had for the previous 6 or 7 years. But, I still left. I chose the thing I wanted more, to get the feeling that I got at the end of class and to improve my new yoga practice.

Yes for those first four or five weeks I had some heated discussions, and yes I let some people down, and yes some other people grew their skills through some inspired delegation. But, the paper came out, the world continued to turn. And then, do you know what, the last minute requests stopped, on Monday and Thursday the Head of Production might rock over and say “now I know Thursday is your yoga night but can you look at this tomorrow morning?” or my staff would step up and say “ I’ll clear that last page boss, you get on to class”. And off I would go. And I never missed a class from then on despite having a senior job in a highly deadline oriented business. My career continued to go from strength to strength too. Probably because I was more relaxed and had more balance.

If my former workaholic self can do it: you can do it. You can be there and make that time for yourself each week. It’s a case of training the people you work with much the same way you would train a toddler what is and is not okay behavior a la Supernanny. The key is in being clear what you want, consistently voicing it and following through regardless of the reaction you get. In short it’s the Yogic Naughty Step.

1. Voice.  What is it you WANT? Be clear with yourself so you don’t get distracted in the moment by passing momentary tasks. eg. I want to feel flexible and relaxed by Easter. I want to give myself that hour and a quarter to myself each week in class. I want long term health and wellbeing. Diarise it. Commit to yourself.

2. Choice. Wait for the inevitable last minute thing that’s just so important that it has to be done RIGHT NOW to come up. Assess it calmly…be aware of the choice that you are making. Choose to be able to stand a moments discomfort as you say ‘That will have to wait until the morning, I have an appointment now’. No need to explain or apologise.

Choose a moments discomfort so you can have what you really WANT. If it’s really that important someone else will step up and do it. Really.

3. Follow Through. Go do your thing: guilt free! Do your yoga class, go for that run, have the weekly ball game with the kids. Whatever your thing is that you want.

Next week when it inevitably happens again repeat the same thing “That will have to wait until the morning, I have an appointment now”. Consistency is key.

Rinse and repeat. Before you know it you will have reclaimed that time, and the last minute requests will stop.

It’s a funny thing but once you consistently respect your time other people will too.

I have signed up for the intermediate course, so I will see you early February.

Many thanks (for all your passion, dedication and great teaching style!)

Donna

I believe we all have the capacity to start over anytime. To wipe the slate and to choose different things for ourselves whenever we make that commitment to reach for something better for our lives. And that can happen on the 1^st January, the 23^rd of May or the 3^rd of September at 1.02am. The time is irrelevant. What is important is the COMMITMENT to the intention and the ENERGY from which it is made.

As a yoga teacher and a life coach I see many people swept away with the enticing glamour of the New Year resolution. What I am much more interested in is working with people to make lasting positive change in their life that sticks.

Like in the ad, “a dog isn’t just for Christmas”, well, I believe that “resolutions are not just for New Year!” Here are my top tips for making your resolutions not just last the year but be the long term positive change in your life you are looking for:

1. Your resolution is positive not negative. Ie. Not to lose weight but to gain fitness.
2. It comes from an energy of love rather than fear. Ie. I have to got to a yoga class each week as I am so worried about my weight v’s which class would I just love to go to, that I look forward to, that is me giving a gift of time to myself each week.
3. That your resolution is heavily and frequently reward based. Ie. Every day I cook a proper dinner/spend extra time with the kids/go to the gym/whatever I will reward myself with a long hot bath/new magazine/nice glass of red. When you are trying to change a particularly stubborn/old habit you cannot reward yourself too much or too often as start to establish the newly resolved habit.
4. Your resolution is aligned with who you really are. You resolution needs to resonate with who you really are, not some mythical idea of this perfect being in your head.  It comes from a place of accepting who you are ( ie. I will never be Cindy Crawford) but moves you to being the best you you can be (fit, toned, healthy, happy)
5. That there is a full awareness of the benefits, not just short term but long term. Ie. Getting fit. 3 month benefit will fit into my jeans. 1 year benefit: be able to hike the Tongariro Crossing. 5 year benefit: be able to go skiing with my children. 10 year benefit: better quality of life in retirement. Long term focus helps you to keep your eye on the prize.
6. Resolve with discernment. Choose a maximum of 3 resolutions and bring your commitment and focus to achieving them. You don’t have to wait until next January if you achieve them, you can revise or add to them when you like, but keep that initial focus narrow so you can actually achieve. Better to have 3 resolutions and achieve them than make 10 and achieve none.
7. Enjoy the journey not just the destination. That’s why it’s called a yoga practice people, not a yoga destination. But the best way to become flexible is to enjoy the journey of classes each week rather than focusing on the end goal of flexibility. That’s what makes any resolution so much easier to stick to, when we enjoy the process of it rather than forcing ourselves through something we hate just to get to some pre-resolved end point.

So, there you have it: if you are choosing to make resolutions this New Year I hope these tips help you to move forward in the direction of your dreams!

What are you resolving (or not!) for 2012?

Jo’s Sun Salutations Meditation:

I love the routine of my weekly term-time yoga classes. I get into a real groove of attending my Monday and Thursday class… I anticipate them, I look forward to them, I save my energy and focus for them… But what happens when we enter the big, long summer break? Well, if you’re anything like me then self-discipline goes straight out of the window as other things, demands, people distract my attention away from my good intentions! How many times have I left my yoga mat out on the sitting room floor, promising myself that I will do at least 6 rounds of sun salutations every day, or every other day, only to find that the mat sees more action from my children than it does from me as they turn it into a pirate ship, sailing off to the seven seas, or a stage before which thousands of screaming fans are idolising my crooning seven-year-old pop princess.

But keeping up with my yoga practice during holidays is not so much about keeping my muscles limber so that it won’t hurt so much when I return to class in the new term, it is also really important for helping me to stay sane – especially during the holiday season where relatives descend and children are home from school all day every day… this particular holiday season can place additional demands so it is especially important to make sure that my wellbeing doesn’t suffer as a consequence.

In order to motivate and inspire myself to give the gift of 10 minutes every day just for me, I have a little meditation that I repeat in my mind as I perform my 6 rounds of sun salutations. I find that as well as all the physical benefits that 6 rounds of sun salutations brings, the meditation leaves me feeling so calm and peaceful afterwards – I feel like I can take on the world and anything that it cares to throw at me. It is so restorative and the beauty of it is that it only requires 10 minutes out of your entire day! What a bargain!! All that mental and physical gain for just 10 minutes worth of commitment! Surely you can’t argue with that?!

So here it is: Jo’s Sun Salutation Meditation to Restore, Motivate and Inspire you to be the very best that you can be!

 Position 1:     Palms together at my chest in prayer position                  –

Inhale : I connect with the loving energy inside my heart

Position 2:     Stretching my arms up and back  

Exhale : I envision the warmth of the sun and indeed the entire Universe dancing on my face

 Position 3:     Folding forward bend towards the ground                  

Inhale: I extend my appreciation to all of Mother Earth

Position 4:     Right/Left leg back, looking up to the sun         

Exhale: I remember that even when I feel low, I am always connected to the loving energy of the Universe

Position 5:     Both legs back into Plank position   

Retain: I get in touch with the inner strength that never leaves me

Position 6:     Lowering knees, chest and chin to the ground   

Exhale: I remember to be humble around other people as they too are extensions of the Universal energy

Position 7:     Roll forward into Cobra position     

Inhale : I extend my sense of oneness with all the living things in the world

Position 8:     Stretch back into an Inverted V

Exhale: I feel abundant energy and joy flow through me from my fingertips to my toes

Position 9:     Right/Left leg back, looking up to the sun 

Inhale: I open myself up to my full potential

Position 10:   Folding forward bend towards the ground  

Exhale: I remember to pause to gather my inner resources before taking action

Position 11:   Stretching my arms up and back   

Inhale: I open myself up to the full power of Universal energy once more

Position 12:   Hands into prayer position at my chest      

Exhale : I express my gratitude for all the wonderful people and things that I have in my life.

I do hope that this meditation will inspire you to not only keep up with your yoga practice during this break from class, but I also hope that it will inspire you to connect with the very best of your beautiful self. It works for me!

Go on and try it… it only takes 10 minutes but the benefits are infinite!

Jo x

Have you ever been The New Girl? The one hiding at the back keeping quiet? Trying to blend in as you join a new group or class or committee. Hideous feeling isn’t it? I had a lifelong New Girl fear of standing out: fruit of a childhood in numerous different schools trying very hard not to get my head kicked in or pelted with eggs and flour (those were the days!) for my newness.

As a consequence I tried very hard not to offend anyone with anything; to fly under the radar at all times. To dress so I fitted in; to talk about what others wanted to talk about; to like the bands they liked. Constantly trying not to cause a ripple or offence by, (oh! the audacity!) having an opinion of my own.

Not a bad strategy for a bullied 11 year old. But a bad one to take through to adulthood. For me I didn’t even really know anymore what it was I liked or hated! I could no longer hear my own voice and it look a lot of work as an adult to tune back into that and to know that I was okay, just as I was. Now I know that having a diffence of opinion can be a beautiful thing: it’s what makes life interesting. Most of the best and most inspiring work out there today comes from the unconventional and the individual. Unconventional is good!

I love this quote:

“There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.”    ―  Marianne Williamson

How beautiful is that?

Living up to our own potential is our responsibility. It is our real work in the world.

It is not, contrary to popular belief, about playing small so we don’t offend anyone else.

A small, safe life does not serve you or mean you are using all the unique gifts you have.

Yes you. I am talking to you!

You are fabulous, and inspirational and talented, unique and special.

Yes you are.

Hiding your light under a bushel does not serve you or the world.

Putting everyone else before yourself does not serve you or the world.

Not speaking up about what matters to you does not serve you or the world.

Pleasing everyone does not serve you or the world.

You have something special to share.

Yes you.

You matter.

Your perspective is uniquely yours.

Not realizing your potential does not serve you or the world.

Playing small does not serve you or the world.

Allow yourself to SHINE!

Celebrate your uniqueness. Celebrate that not everyone approves. Celebrate that you have a point of view. Celebrate your delectable you-ness. You rock. Go out and live your delicious unique life today.

Rescheduling what’s important to you (your run/yoga session/coffee with a friend) because someone’s else’s needs require fulfilling has a short term psychological payoff. We feel like a good person for going out of our way to help someone else, or putting the needs of our client/employer/child/spouse before our own. They are happy: we are happy.

As an occasional thing it’s a win-win: everyone gains in happiness and our sacrifice of personal needs gets balanced by the feel good factor of helping someone else get what they need. Score!

As a long term strategy however it’s a disaster. If we consistently put others needs before our own then it leads to burnout and resentment. In short to a Negative Balance. I see many clients who have fallen into this trap, and it’s a highly familiar one to me when I look back at how I put all the needs of “the business” before my own during my 20 years in corporate life.

It’s faulty thinking. We get into the habit of deferring our own perfectly valid needs because other peoples needs matter more. Their happiness matters more. Meeting their needs is more important. It doesn’t make sense and here is why. If needs matter then all peoples needs matter, not just your boss/husband/child buts yours too. Either everybody counts, or nobody counts.

A wise old boss once put it to me this way: if you say yes to everything, what is your yes worth? Being able to sometimes say ‘no’ and stick to it makes your ‘yes’ much more valuable.

It’s your job to stand up for what you need to be healthy and happy, even if that means that someone else doesn’t get what they need (or think they need) all the time. Your needs are just as important as anyone else’s.  Either everybody counts, or nobody counts.

I always have these resolutions each New Year to ‘ keep in touch with family more’. I think I have had that resolution every year since I left home at 18 to go to uni! It’s occured to me that New Years resolutions pretty much suck. That I defer things that I want or ought to do until January when I will make a nice new fresh clean shiny resolution…which will have inevitably fallen by the wayside come February.

What is much better is when I realise there is something I truly want in my life, to be closer to my family, to improve my health, my business, whatever, that if it’s something I truly want then don’t defer. If I want something in October, really want it, why wait til January to make a resolution about it, just to get that kick of shiny newness? Why not just DO IT, and be three months further ahead by January.

There is a wonderful quote by JFK on this that I adore…it’s stuck right infront of my desk in fact:

“The great French Marshall Lyautey once asked his gardener to plant a tree. The gardener objected that the tree was slow growing and would not reach maturity for 100 years. The Marshall replied, ‘In that case, there is no time to lose; plant it this very afternoon!’“

John F. Kennedy.

Good point, well made JFK: if something is worth doing, getting fit, getting flexible, learning japanese, whatever it is that will enhance life it will enhance it far more NOW than it will if I wait until January to promise it to myself. It will also be so much further established as a habit and I will be already reaping the benefits by January.

Have a really honest talk to yourself. What is that thing you are going to resolve to do in January as you start the clean crisp New Year? Right, well soldier, no time like the present. Do it, commit to making it happen for yourself TODAY.

Want to be fit and flexible: book your yoga course for October, don’t wait for January. In January feel fit and flexible from your already established 3 months of practice.

Want to have more energy: commit to going to bed an hour earlier for the next 3 months and in January wake up feeling AMAZING.

Want to spend more time with the family: change up the family routine today, this week, and in January feel that much more connected as you celebrate New Year together.

If it’s something you want, don’t wait. There is no time to lose. Do it this very afternoon.

One of my favourite bits is in HP and The Half Blood Prince. Harry wins a vial of highly coveted Liquid Luck “one sip and all your endeavors will succeed”. When he uses it he weaves his way artfully through a seemingly impossible situation because “ I’ve got a good feeling …this is the right thing to do…” even when the actions he is taking seem inexplicable to all around him, including himself.

What I find even more fabulous is when Harry pretends to put the Liquid Luck into Ron’s drink before an important Quidditch (sorry, broomsticks etc, I know, bear with me) game. Ron thinks the Liquid Luck is coursing through his veins, his nerves dissipate and he plays the game of his life. Fearless, inspired, audacious, going for shots that he would never have ordinarily attempted. What makes the difference is that he has the belief that he cannot fail. He just trusts his instincts and lets fly. He plays big.

Of course nothing has really changed, it’s just the belief in his own abilities and that he simply cannot fail that’s changed. It’s not a change in circumstance or skill, merely a change in belief and hence attitude.

I like to remember this when I am launching a new project of some sort. What would I do, how would I feel if I thought failure was impossible? If I had drunk the Liquid Luck, how would I behave? It inspires me to play bigger, to take risks and to try new things.  It allows me to act much more on gut instinct…what just feels like the right thing to do? Even if it seems illogical. What if I simply couldn’t fail?

Have a think about any area of your life where you are playing small. Imagine you have some Liquid Luck on call that with “one sip and all your endeavors will succeed”. How would you act, what would you try/do/be if you knew you simply couldn’t fail. If you knew everything would go your way? What would you dare to do to play bigger?

The secret of course is that you don’t need the Liquid Luck to make that happen. You just need to tap into that lucky feeling and play big.

There is a famous Thomas Jefferson quote that says “I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it”.

I disagree. I don’t think luck is purely dependent on hard work. I think its mainly about state of mind. I also think it’s a bit more magical than the Jefferson suggests! I prefer Tennessee Williams attitude “Luck is believing you’re lucky”

My philosophy is  “The luckier I feel and the luckier I act, the luckier I get”.

Try it. Feel Lucky. Play Big.

It’s my 40^th birthday on Friday (thank you, I know I don’t ), and like it or not it’s one hell of a milestone. When Lizzie and I were in that photo 40 seemed like a bazillion years into the future. I couldn’t even imagine being that old. 40 seemed so grown up. Which is weird as that is what it still feels like. Except, I will actually be it. Which means, if 40 = Grown Up. Then that must mean I Am Officially A Grown Up.

Whooooaa.

Grown ups are wise. Grown Ups are sorted. Grown Ups just know things. Which got me thinking: just what have I learned in the last 20 years? What would I love to have known back then that I know now?

I have learned the following Splendid Truths in the last 20 years:

1.    Just because you can do a job well doesn’t mean you should be doing it.

2.    Look after your body. Treat it with respect. Move it regularly.

3.    Look after people and money will look after itself.

4.    Love comes when you are not looking for it and those irritating smug marrieds that parroted “you’ll know when you know” were (even more irritatingly) right. Wait: there is no rush.

5.    Be yourself. Unapologetically and consistently.

6.    Disagreement can be healthy.

7.    Emotions are for feeling not hiding in booze/work/shopping. They are messengers to be listened to. Allow yourself to feel your feelings.

8.    You cannot please everyone and that’s totally okay.

9.    People in authority/older than you are not always right.

10.  Your health is WAY more important than your To Do list.

11.   You can never have too many shoes.

12.  You are not responsible for other people’s choices or reactions.

13.  Every penny spent on travel is an investment in the happiness bank.

14.  Cherish every day. Love is rare.

15.  If it’s not right for you, then it’s just not right for you. That’s okay.

16.  If you need to ask if your bum looks big then it does. Put something else on.

17.  Big Corporate does not  = security

18.  Happiness is found in the million little things not the one off big things.

19.  Work does not have to be hard. You can look forward to Monday morning as much as you do Friday night. Oh yes you can!

20.  Examine what you believe as your beliefs shape your life.

21.  You do not have to employ people in order to lead and inspire.

22.  Relax. Lighten up! Enjoy the ride.

23.  Bungy jumping will not, repeat not, cure a fear of heights.

24.  You are responsible for your own happiness.

25.  Look for that change you seek within yourself not those around you.

26.  You can totally have more than one great career.

27.  Speak up. Have confidence in yourself and your abilities.

28.  Sometimes you need to work at relationships and sometimes you just are not a fit for each other. That’s okay. Leave. Grieve. Move on without regret.

29.  Regret is a big fat waste of time. Take the lessons you needed to learn and then Let It Go.

30.  The Universe is a benevolent force that is working for you. Let it know what you desire and all sorts of unexpected cool stuff will show up.

31.  Go find a yoga class. It will connect to yourself in a way you can’t imagine.

32.  You will have friends for a reason, a season and a lifetime. Hold them with joy and lightness.

33.  Choosing one path means letting go of another, and that’s okay.

34.  There is no rush. You have so much more time than you think for everything.

35.  Don’t buy that Holden Barina. It will be a money pit on wheels.

36.  Life/Work Balance is completely possible but you have to consciously choose it. It’s not as hard as you think.

37.  Expect the best in others. You will usually find it.

38. Listen.

39.  Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

40.  Some stuff in life will go horribly wrong, but you will cope and come through. Do not be afraid. There will be much to celebrate and more laughter than tears.

41. There’s never a bad time for French champagne.

42.  The thing about life is that it’s not about things.

43. You are absolutely good enough, just as you are.

I wish I could go back and whisper in my ear! Oh, the heartache and the agonies that could have been avoided! But then I guess that’s all part of the journey, learning stuff the hard way as we go. Which is weird because I am pretty sure that at 20 I thought I knew pretty much everything there was to know! Whereas now at 40 (gulp!) I know I learn more every single beautiful day.

What Splendid Truths have you learned? Do any of the above resonate with you?