“I’m worried that if I take that big scary promotion that I will be  not good enough when I am doing the new job”.

“I’m worried that if I go travel that I will worry about being safe all the time”

“I’m worried about starting yoga? What if I can’t keep up? I worry I’ll be comparing myself to all the bendy people all the time and hate it”

Just a few things that I have heard from clients and students this week.

What?!

People. Listen Up.

Worrying about being worried?

Worrying about being worried at some point in the future?

Worrying full stop?

Worrying is a pointless activity.

Worrying is focusing on a fear that is not currently present. It’s worrying about a thing that may or may not happen later.

Most of the time it doesn’t even happen, but all that mental energy, emotional energy and headspace is gone, you can’t get that back. Those hours and minutes are gone.

And here’s another thing. Worrying actually makes the thing you are worrying about more likely to happen.

Yes that’s right.

Worrying actually makes the thing you are worrying about more likely to happen.

How?

Well firstly worry makes you filter. Filtering is selective awareness of what’s going on around you. Our brain is built to filter because otherwise we couldn’t cope with the sheer volume of information around us. Here’s an example of filtering. We got a new car two years ago. Consigning the small green money pit on wheels to history (side note to all: do not ever buy a Holden Barina) I wasn’t that fussed about what we got as long as it was small enough I could park it  (ie. v small) and that it wasn’t another unreliable money eating machine.  We settled on a blue Mazda 3. Never really seen one before but it ticked all the boxes and we got a good deal. Then, when driving about in the shiny new blue Mazda 3 a funny thing happened. They are EVERYWHERE! Blue Mazda 3’s? Every third car is a blue Mazda 3. So many in fact that twice I tried to get into the wrong parked car ( der…that’s why we now have a flag of St Pirran  (patron saint of Cornwall where I am from) on the back window to stop me doing that).  Blue Mazda 3’s are super common but I honestly had never noticed one before I bought one, then I see them everywhere. Why? Filtering. My brain is filtering for the thing I put my attention on so I see it everywhere.

It’s how the brain works. So, if you are worrying on a thing, you are actually far more likely to find evidence for it as you have primed your brain to search for it. That makes worries far more likely to become real.

Reason number 2 that worrying makes the thing you don’t want more likely to happen is basic Law Of Attraction.  The more you thoughts you put out there by continually worrying and thinking about a scenario you don’t want the more likely the universe is to energetically bring that back to you. That might be too woo-woo for you but I can assure you that it’s the truth.  The Universe is programmed to bring you what you want. And it assumes that what you want is what you think about all the time. Worrying is a repetitive thought pattern. Hence that’s what you are far more likely to get.

So, whether you like the brain science filtering explanation or the more woo-woo Law Of Attraction one you can see that worrying is bad.

Worrying is meditating on the thing you don’t want to happen.

So, stop it! Decide what you DO want to happen, however unlikely that might seem, and focus your thoughts and energy on that positive repetitive thought pattern.

You can change up your thoughts. It takes a conscious decision to do so, to quit worrying and focus on what you want to see instead rather than what you don’t.

It will make a HUGE difference to how enjoyable your day is and the outcome of the thing.

Decide one thing right now you are going to quit worrying about. Write it down. Then write down what you would love to have happen instead. Focus your attention on that and trust that the universe will bring it to you. Claim back that worry space in your mind for better things.

Have an awesome worry free day.

Some of the best and most cherished things in my life have been borne out of what on the face of it looked like a very bad thing indeed. If I had known then that those awful circumstances, those sorrows, were actually the foundation for future happiness would I have moved through them more quickly, with more peace, with more grace, more trust in the universe? I like to think I would.

If I had known that a broken engagement that left me living in a foreign country without family with nothing other than the clothes on my back would eventually mean that I was free to meet and marry the absolute love of my life, I think that would have helped. At the time of course all I could think was “This shouldn’t be happening to me”.

If I had known when I was in the miserable depths of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, bedridden, unable to work and desperate to heal that I would find a way to wellness that was so empowering that I would then coach others back to a life of vitality that would have made it so much easier to cope with. At the time of course all I could think was “This shouldn’t be happening to me”.

That when we lost not one but two pregnancies and then had an ongoing cancer scare on top of that, if I had known that it would bring our marriage even closer and bring a new appreciation for our childfree spontaneous existence that has brought a lot of fun and travel into our lives, that would have helped. At the time, in the horror, of course all I could think was “This shouldn’t be happening to me”.

And so on.

At the time we can be so overwhelmed by the sheer shittyness of a situation it’s all but impossible to see anything positive coming out of it at all, ever. I love the way Mary Oliver (my favourite poet and all round quotemeister) describes it:

“Someone I loved once gave me

a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand

that, this too, was a gift”

Some of my most favourite and treasured people, things, experiences in my life have actually been born out of the toughest and most miserable of times. I am sure this is absolutely true for you too. So: if you are going through a tough time right now think about the possibility that your current struggle just might, in some mysterious incomprehensible way, be building you a magical foundation for something really special and fabulous. You just can’t see it yet. But just knowing that it might be there, glinting away in your future, can make the tough times a whole lot easier to bear.

As no gin and tonics had yet been consumed I had the wherewithal to look about the bathroom, and sure enough there was a little gadget at the back of the mirror. Activated by movement…whenever anyone looked at themselves in the mirror they got that fabulous purring message. And it felt fabulous, even though I knew it was some Taiwanese gadget, it still felt just so good to have those words resonating as I put my mascara on. I had a spring in my step for the rest of the day.

What fascinated me was the reason it resonated so much is because it said such different things than my own mirror. When I really thought about it my mirror said things like “god you are look oooooooold today girl…is that facecream working?….maybe you need more Touche Eclat…yeah, paint your whole face in it…don’t wear that for godsake you look fat in that..…” etc etc. perhaps you have one of these mirrors in your house? This is the Mirror Of Our Discontent and frankly it makes for a pretty crappy start to the day as we battle past the negative messaging.

Of course, it’s not the mirror that’s the problem, it’s our thoughts when we look in the mirror. It’s not the size of our bum, it’s the size and frequency of our thoughts about our bum that is the problem.

Frankly the whole mirror experience was much nicer with Taiwanese Austin Powers that the regular Dr. Evil messages. I liked that much better, and I think that womanhood as a whole would be so much happier and more joyful if we could all switch up our experiences in front of the mirror.

Now each morning I make an effort to think…What Would Taiwanese Austin Powers Say? It starts off my day with such positive energy and I am a lot more accepting of my body and appearance. “Good morning Louise…you look gorrrrrrrrrrrrgeous today….that pony tail looks just great….”

Sometimes it’s not big changes we need to make in our life to bring more health and happiness, just a small change in our thinking each morning can have a ripple effect of self-acceptance that can last the whole day. Try it, invite Taiwanese Austin Powers along tomorrow morning and see how much better you feel.

YOGAWOMAN PREMIERES ACROSS NEW ZEALAND

narrated by Academy Award nominee Annette Benning and featuring internationally renowned NZ yoga teacher Donna Farhi.

Yoga was brought to the west from India by a lineage of male teachers. Now there’s a generation of women who are leading the way. They’re strong, they’re inspiring, and they’re radically changing people’s lives. From the busy streets of Manhattan to the dusty slums of Kenya, YOGAWOMAN uncovering a global phenomenon that has changed the face of yoga forever.

The Auckland Premier is Thurday 12th April...which is in our break week between terms…so…yay!..PB is holding a wee field trip to the movies!

Come join us, watch a great movie and have a wine and a chat with your fellow fabulous class mates…this is how it works:

1. Book your ticket direct here with eventfinder. It’s $20. get in quick before they all go.

2. Meet us for a wine and a chat at Rakinos from 5.30pm.Rakino’s is a Cafe & Bar upstairs  a 1/35 High Street, Auckland City ((09) 358 3535). Nice wines and food if you fancy a bite before the movie. The film starts at 7.00pm so we will just walk five minutes up the road to Lorne St for the film.

3. Make sure you are my friend on facebook so we can organise carpooling etc on there!

Looking forward to hanging out with you from 5.30pm on Thurs 12th April!

Pants are available in S, M & L and are NZ$120 including postage and packaging.
In terms of sizing Louise is a medium so that should help you gauge the size!

We have had SO many positive comments about the Hard Tail pants from our students, that we just know that you will love these. They feel supportive (especially around the belly!) and move beautifully in your postures, as well as being cool enough to wear out after class in a way that your old trackies just don’t! These are the pants to make you look as good on the outside as you feel on the inside.

Ready to upgrade your mat? many students absolutely swear by their Manduka eKoPro Mat and will never go back to using another mat again! These mats are made from 100% natural rubber and are the most durable and environmentally friendly yoga mat on the market today. They have been designed by yoga teachers so you can expect them to be super grippy and cushioned and very stable on any floor surface.

These mats stay flat as you practice, even if you roll them up in between sessions. 100% biodegradable and made with no PVC or oil-based substances, these mats are fully emission free and Oeko-tex certified, so your conscience can be clear too! Manduka are so confident in their claim of superior wear and longevity that they offer a lifetime guarantee with each mat! They are definitely worth the investment!

Order here: www.ecoyogastore.co.nz/eco-yoga-mats

Order here: www.amazon.com/PositiveBalanceShop

You can read Louise’s reviews of these books here. We’d love to hear your reviews too! You can order super easily below or check out our local friends at DamnFineBooks. If you have books that have changed your life that you would like me to review just let me know.

Order here: www.amazon.com/PositiveBalanceShop

I also see my friends from corporate days doing a big glitzy thing on facebook, the sort of industry event of black ties and champagne and fabulous shoes I would have been at in years gone by. And I sometimes feel I am missing out, just a bit, as I potter about in my yoga pants.

I see client after client in my coaching room who is upset about missing out on career opportunities or family opportunities or travel opportunities or run away and join the circus opportunities. If I had a dollar for every time “I hate missing out” has been uttered I would have enough to host my own black tie and champagne event.

Here’s the thing.

With so many opportunities we live in the age of ‘missing out’.

Which actually is a fantastic thing. Not a bad thing at all.

I should be saying “I missed out!” with joy and not regret.

Why?

Because missing out means I had a choice on some other option. It meant I chose another thing and I am actually soooooooooo lucky to have that choice.

There are so many women around the world who miss out on things like getting to vote; having financial independence; education; a career outside the home that doesn’t require a ‘male guardian’. In Saudi Arabia it is illegal for women to drive. They do not even have the choice over what they wear.

So, when I drive myself to class (rather than to the party I fancied) I am going to call out my BS on “missing out” for what it is.

Missing out is a fantastic thing. I’ve missed out because I made the choice to run my own fabulous thriving business, to be financially independent, to drive myself to class, on my own, in my yoga pants.

Missing out is confirmation that I have infinite choice in my life and that I am using it. And that is something to be very happy about indeed.

Missing Out is the new black. You heard it here first.

Tracey M.